Homeland Security Watch

News and analysis of critical issues in homeland security

December 30, 2005

How to talk to TSA screeners

Filed under: Aviation Security,Humor — by Christian Beckner on December 30, 2005

Following up on the story on behavioral profiling at TSA that I mentioned in this post, Brian Dickerson at the Detroit Free-Press has a helpful guide on “How to talk to a TSA screener”. Some highlights:

SCREENER: Where you headed today, young fella?

RIGHT: I’m visiting my grandparents in Des Moines.

WRONG: I have a one-way ticket to Paradise!


By contrast, the passenger who answers a screener’s questions in a forthright, self-confident manner is unlikely to arouse suspicion, regardless of her answers.

SCREENER: What a lovely pair of earrings! Where did you get them?

PASSENGER B, smiling brightly as she makes eye contact with her interrogator: I obtained them in exchange for sexual favors at a Taliban trading post outside Kabul. I got a pair just like them for my sister, but the CIA had her killed before our mutual friend in Frankfurt could deliver them.

SCREENER: What a pity. She would have loved them! Have a safe trip, ma’am.

Read the whole thing.

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