Homeland Security Watch

News and analysis of critical issues in homeland security

December 22, 2009

HR 8791 — Protecting Underground Birthing Centers from Flesh Eating [REDACTED]

Filed under: Humor — by Christopher Bellavita on December 22, 2009

A colleague brought HR 8791 (The Homeland Terrorism Preparedness Bill) to my attention last week.

Although the legislation was in play last year, much of the proposal still remains classified so as not to tip off state, local, tribal, private sector, or other stakeholders about the proposed federal response to [redacted].

However, thanks to America’s finest news source – The Onion – additional details about the proposed legislation are available.

You can watch the video of Representative John Haller, from Pennsylvania’s 12th District, outlining the bill to Congress by clicking on the picture below.  If you have trouble viewing the video, you can read Congressman Haller’s remarks, reprinted at the end of this post.



Preliminary transcript of Representative Haller’s occasionally redacted remarks:



[By the way, Happy Day-After-the-Winter-Solstice, if that’s one of the holidays you celebrate.]

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Comment by William R. Cumming

December 22, 2009 @ 8:57 am

Winter Solstice celebrations always good and reminder that each day has more sunlight hours. Or minutes or whatever!

Thanks to this blog for casting more sunlight on some dark shadowy areas of concern to US!

Comment by Seymour Butts

December 22, 2009 @ 7:22 pm

Fortunately, the TSA redaction method was used. I think we all agree that defending against flesh-eating space aliens is in the national interest. A recent HLS panel estimated that the probability of a space alien attack is greater than 50% by 2017.

Building systems that don’t work to meet threats that don’t exist. HLS stimulus in action.

Comment by christopher tingus

December 24, 2009 @ 12:12 am

What nonsense….

Get a grip on the world scene for quickly we are becoming impoverished and enslaved as the partisan politics and the continued printing of fiat dollars pushes in the abyss of bankruptcy, third world status!

2017? We here on Main Street are living in reality as 2010 approaches within hours and the displeasures and whispers in the pews are becoming more and louder with more and more concern for actions of entrusted elected public servants than for the disharmony Afghans have for neighbor and the stone walls that divide them. They hVE hn

Comment by christopher tingus

December 24, 2009 @ 12:23 am

What nonsense….how absurd….

Get a grip on the world scene for quickly we are becoming impoverished and enslaved as the partisan politics and the continued printing of fiat dollars pushes in the abyss of bankruptcy, third world status!


We here on Main Street are living in reality as 2010 approaches within hours and the displeasures and whispers in the pews are becoming more and louder with more and more concern for actions of entrusted elected public servants than for the disharmony Afghans have for neighbor and the stone walls that divide them and their centuries of dispute will continue despite our efforts….

Let’s find someone who like Churchill has the vision to see the world as it is, the disharmony and the dastardly intent of so many and send clear and decisive message….My Great Grandfather was a shepard and he had more wisdom and would not tolerate any who threatened his good sheep….Unlike the people of Europe during the 20’s, 30’s and 40’s, we here on Main Street USA are not sheep and will not be herded as some intend….Let no one here on the soil of this Judeo-Christian nation – yet you Pelosi and Barney Frank and well as Reid among others – belive for one moment that your arrogant and derogatory demeanor to the American family will be tolerated for much longer….elections are near and we are tired of flip flopp’n Massachusetts Senatorial candidates that blatently lie and such portrayal of politican is what the voter is becoming less and less tolerant….

God Bless America!

Such an adoption of bill again depicts the lack of transparency and the disregard for our great nation and most charitable people –

Christopher Tingus
Main Street USA
Harwich, MA USA 02645

Comment by essays purchase

June 2, 2010 @ 3:40 pm

Who works for who? Are we the people not the boss of this man and his ilk? Why are things classified? Is it to protect “we the people”?
Classified doesn’t fly in my book. I am sick of these public officials who no longer represent the people. It’s so blatantly obvious that Republican and Democrat are essentially the same exact thing, neither of which has our interest in mind. When are more people gonna open their eyes? When are we gonna take back this country?

Comment by Tanya

November 28, 2010 @ 6:17 pm

Look i get that there are idiots out there who are not believing the warnings that we are getting and by the time they do it will be too late (and trust me no sympathy will go out to those who end up tortured and imprisoned/shot/raped because they are fuck faces who just cant believe the fucked up world we live in is capable of history repeating itself) but if you dont believe this stuff, then get the fuck off the websites, stop looking the shit up and stop wasting your time and everyone else…you should be enjoying what little free life you have left. Just remember all of those who dont believe…when you’re begging to be killed because there are some fates worse than death, there will be people like me and my family who are taking these warnings and doing something about it who will be laughing at the sheeple like you who get exactly what you deserve in the end. to be treated like nothing more than cattle in a slaughter house.

Comment by Jerry Caruthers

December 29, 2010 @ 3:31 pm

Passing legistaltion which cannot be read by those who vote on it should make it automatically null and void.
When Nancy Pelosi(D-California) said that we need to pass Obama care to see what was in it, she should have been sent home. Whethere a bill is a good bill or a bad bill, is not the point. Politics aside, Republicans and Democrates alike, are not representing the will of the people who sent them to Washington.
Laughing at the Tea Party and denying their sanity, ahs made them stronger and I fear that eventually the Government will find it necessary to declare Martial Law only to “Control” the peole who had sent them to Washingotn to do the “right thing?” Not my comment, but that of our leaders who are unafraid and who are speaking out!

Comment by idontwannadie

January 23, 2011 @ 1:31 am

in fact it look like they already trained us (civillian), to containement and combat of (classified). Ave you notice how many movie and videogame are about infected by (classified) flesh eating how are relesse or become uncontrolable in urban area . Far surpassing our DARKEST NIGHTMARES ?!

Comment by Jeff

February 23, 2011 @ 8:38 am

This bill obviously did what it was suppose to do to the sheep,and the comments i see here thusfar prove your all sheep no matter how “smart” or “political” you try and make yourself sound. This documents just coincides with the New World Order and all other actual, factual, real and filed documents pertaining to how the government reserves the right to and plans to chip our society with an RFID chip produced by the company “Impinj” starting late this year as a mandatory part of being a citizen (most believe it will be in a vaccination, that is still to see obviously) and follow up with a depletion of all recources thus initiating a “Security Threat Action” as it is officially called during a time of national riots over food-(recent bill s510 passed illegal to grow your own food), electricity, communications and even the internet which also has an official date set to shut off tagged with the name “internet kill switch”(this can be searched and found as true) this would all be considered a time of deemable action(a.k.a national security threat) for martial law within a police state union. upon this police state union we have 7 sections of the u.s (already documented fact and planned) that will be governed by 7 government chosen officials, these officials given they’re ties and nature known by true investigators like myself will follow through the course of action and plans by declaring martial law in each section-(Official government Document “Rex84” and the official declassified plan layout for this time called “ATRMP”) FEMA housing camps will immediately open up-(Official Government Document “Garden Plot”) and foreign military along with any willing american military and national guard will come in-(“Millenium Declaration” signed by Clinton dropping all national boundaries and now further backed by obama’s new “america canada border merge”)round up everyone they can possibly find and contain them in these prison camps called FEMA camps or Official classified as “Residential Centers”.All these centers are guarded by double razor wire fencing with armed guards and surrounded by train tracks and halliburton trains (All fact and can be searched) Those who manage to escape being killed or rallied will be stuck behind a series of containment walls themselves due to the 7 sectioned states of the country they can not pass and will either die from starvation or be found and killed or taken to a containment camp.All important government icons and wealthy civilians or any person deemed necessary for the New World Order way of life will be rounded up and taken to underground containment or “birthing” centers for protection and survival until the “national security threat” is over, in the meantime eventually the government will start testing on human subjects with biological and chemical testing agents-(bill s.1520a allows so) for the New World Order way of life (most likely a new military of super elite soldiers) where our government hopes to continue and master its already worked on plans over mind control,the use of drugs to control ones mind/body, the creation of a 100% flawless soldier/civilian who does not possess the ability to question or stray from the governments control. this has yet to happen of course in most places here in the u.s so as to the effects or results of these test’s are not known. But the government has well prepared themselves for it (as you can now hopefully see for yourself ) by having a bill like this one that allows them to pretty much bomb america off the face of the planet when they turn us all into mindless zombie like super human killers, this isn’t to say they plan on just letting us run around zombied out but they know their is in fact a chance they could lose control like a damn resident evil game so theyve already placed bills like this one and others in effect to cover up they’re own ass’s in that time from scrutiny of the rest of the world (so as they have a safe spot to live when its all said and done over in china or russia)

Comment by Jeff

February 23, 2011 @ 8:48 am

though i will say this video is just a hoax, do not be be fooled by videos as these but remember all of what i stated above you can search and find for yourself the official docs and piece together the puzzle and see how easily a domino effect of documents and bills have been set up allowing for a crisis likke this to happen.

Comment by cody

February 23, 2011 @ 7:29 pm

face it. if we dont do something now as Americans, ALL OF US WILL BE either KILLED or ENSLAVED. if you dont see it, then you deserve the fate that is bestowed upon you, in the end. i want to say that im wrong, but its too hard to deny everything that’s goin on, has been goin on for years, and will go on for years to come if we dont stand up now. we already see the peacefull protest in pittsburgh, wisconsin, and other cities and states turn to roit control situations in 09 10 and its going to happin in 2011 as well. i jus hope that everyone is prepared for whats to come. let it be known to all that those that stand for justice and truth will fight, and die if we must to uphold the rights bestowed upon every human being at birth. this is no political reteric, this is a call to all patriots to arm your selves with knowledge and iron, and defend your grounds. no one can take freedom from you. your life surely will end one day, and if u run, they’ll just keep trying to take you down. but if you fight and defend what you hold true, nothing and no man can take that freedom from you. i hope that the ones who aren’t awake realize what they’re feeding into, and that is, ultimately, a system of fraud. its all there you can see it with ur own eyes. wake up.

Comment by Ihateyoupeople

September 5, 2011 @ 2:06 am

The video was made by The Onion. Anyone that believes this is an incompetent fool.

Comment by jon adams

November 24, 2011 @ 11:58 am

what exists on this planet having enormous size as well as “OTHER-WORLDLY” Strength???? oh sorry that’s CLASSIFIED!

Comment by jon adams

November 24, 2011 @ 12:12 pm

As a matter of fact…. what could that be where the american government would need to deploy fighter jets to combat whatever this thing having enormous size and other worldly strength??? it flies too? The only thing this could possibly be is an alien race already on this planet being hidden in these underground bunkers they are calling “Birthing Centers”. What are we giving birth too in theses centers? The American Government has had them here for far too long to not have told us already. Furthermore it has become blatently apparent that they have lost CONTROL over whatever they have been hiding, it has become uncontrollable, unpredictable and now we are falling victim to the threat of an advanced race completely decimating up to 80% of the united states population through the use of Naturally occurring, flesh eating biological weapon which this race has the inherent ability to use at will. Take down the Government While you still can. The Time to revolt is now!!! Down with the establishment, Anarchy for life. The only solution to 1984 is 1776!!!!!!!!

Comment by Heather

January 29, 2012 @ 12:00 am

I hope you people know this video is a spoof. Do a little research. It has an onion before the -SPAN and there is no Rep. John Haller for Pennsylvania. It was done by the Onion News Network.

Comment by Anonymous

February 25, 2012 @ 4:24 pm

So this video is a fake

Comment by nfl 2012 Online streaming.

September 10, 2012 @ 10:03 pm

Its like you read my mind! You seem to know a lot about this,
like you wrote the book in it or something.
I think that you can do with some pics to drive
the message home a little bit, but other than that, this is excellent blog.
An excellent read. I’ll definitely be back.

Comment by Tusense96761

November 12, 2013 @ 2:10 pm

This is disinformation, they want Americans to believe there are Aliens and that we will need our government to save us from them and the people will give up more of our liberties to let the government save them. Don’t believe it! It may actually come in forms like aliens you see in movies or holograms in thre sky like the 2nd Christ coming. It is all meant to deceive for their NWO New World Order. They have been working on this for years. You have heard of Area 51 in Las Vegas, this is where they have been creating fake Aliens to use against the American people. Don’t believe this bs, laugh at it!!!

Comment by FEETHECAT

July 11, 2014 @ 4:23 pm

This is from the onion a Satire news channel a bunch of nonsense. But the government is still up to no good!

Comment by Phyllis Killingsworth

September 11, 2014 @ 10:05 am

You can STOP voicing your opinions, your thoughts, your guessing. NONE of you have the slightest inking of any TRUTH to what you are publishing as fact. I cannot take ANYTHING that any of you say to the Bank and cash it. We ALL wish and would like to know many truths the Government thinks we are too small minded to handle. My opinion is none better. So HERE are the FACTS. HERE is the ONLY truth we know, and NEED to know. Our Government itself has shown and proven by MUCH evidence that The People of this great Country are nothing but a thorn in their ungodly flesh, and by the admission of their own words, we have not many enjoyable days left to look forward to. We must at least attempt to PREPARE ourselves, get all our ducks in a row as much as possible, and get ready for the storm. It is indeed coming.

Comment by The number 3

October 5, 2014 @ 8:52 pm

I keep reading that this is a fake, okay fine, but can someone PLEASE tell me the name of the man who is supposedly reading the “Homeland Terrorism Preparedness Bill”? What’s his name? Does anyone know?

Comment by Truth seeker

July 22, 2015 @ 11:07 am

In reference to HR 8791, a United States House of Representatives bill being perpetuated as an “alleged” Onion satirical hoax presentation that was aired LIVE ON October 11th 2007.

The man presenting the bill is likely the following.

ROBERT WALKER 16th CONGRESSIONAL DISTRICT PENNSYLVANIA, who later in his career he served as chief deputy whip…

You decide..

God bless.

Comment by eric kocher

August 6, 2016 @ 3:40 pm

gøod morning Senator Feinstein
¶ have you heard about the illegal detainment of chi le jewel ( code name J-ROD ) after the illegal discharge of an electromagnetic cannon against members of the GALACTIC FEDERATION OF LIGHT, killing two P – 52 intelligence officers & wounding 1 P -40 ( piløt ) in KINSMEN, arizona in 1953?
¶ the detainment violated multiply cosmic laws. to include sonic TORTURE & ILLEGAL DETAINMENT of a federal officer
¶ upon chi le jewel’s release in 2005 – he has returned to tell the story to over 650,000 fellow EBENS
¶ the EBENS known as ZETs are an advanced society of 650,000 members: all who are military trained with advanced cosmic knøwledges that would register between 200- 500 on EARTHS colloquial intelligence scales
¶ their society routinely visits earth on long count cycles which is based on 26,000 year cycles. ( EBEN societies lifespans are timeless, but if you need a number its greater than 11 million EARTH years per mating couple ).
¶ in there society its well known that “they” introduced JESUS, MOHAMAD, & BUDDHA to Myrtian ( the singularity of the VIRGO SUPER STAR ) among trillions of “others” willing to put in the hard work
¶ as consequence to the violation, the creation of the AMERICAN intelligence network i.e. the FBI (CONUS) the CIA (OCONUs) was only formulated to distract from the energy & love of myrtian subverting the naturAL order of things Into a second time line plagued by ruthless violence of pa†riarchal men.
¶ during the duration of chi le kewels detainment, murders, sabotage, & torture under the guise of government black operations nick named MK ULTRA has crippled the post 2005 agencies ability to gain trust of the general population & traction in a 21st century cosmic world
¶ i am a student of myrtian & intelligence officer P – 676 with the federation & hold multiply clearances with your NSA systems
¶ for the post 2005 AGENCY personal, it is imperative to understand, “they” are not to blame for our current trajectory by proxy of past action. HOWEVER, from this moment forward “they” are responsible for the course correction. if the desired change is not made, the ZET nation will do as has been done upon them, the call it equalize the solution.
¶ the current problem is everyone is listening, but no one is doing anything because of lack of understanding
¶ in your bible dear Dianne it speaks of indifferent good men being the worst, be the voice
¶ lets be great this time around through DISCLOSURE, because communication is the only action needed to correct our understanding of the universe, it is time to wake up
sincerely Ssgt ERIC MICHAEL KOCHER – P676 officer of the FEDERATION

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