Homeland Security Watch

News and analysis of critical issues in homeland security

January 7, 2010

Borowitz: Full Body Scans to Double as Annual Checkups

Filed under: Humor — by Christopher Bellavita on January 7, 2010

From today’s Borowitz Report (at borowitzreport.com) — sometimes he’s even better that The Onion

Solution to Airport Security, Health Care Woes

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) In what some in the White House are calling a “win/win” solution to the nation’s airport security and health care reform problems, starting next month U.S. airports will begin conducting full body scans that will double as annual physical checkups.

President Obama announced the breakthrough solution, telling reporters, “With this all-purpose exam, we will be able to find everything from a hidden weapon to a spot on your lung.”

After scanning a passenger, Mr. Obama said, “We will either give you a clean bill of health or wrestle you to the ground.”

The President added that instituting the body scan/checkup could ward off some terrorists right from the start, “because a lot of them will balk at the $25 co-pay.”

But according to Davis Logsdon, who studies terrorism and health care reform at the University of Minnesota, the body scans may attract more terrorists than they deter: “If there’s one complaint that terrorists have about al-Qaeda it’s that they have lousy benefits.”

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1 Comment »

Comment by William R. Cumming

January 7, 2010 @ 5:39 pm

On a more serious note, I understand that lacking real technical competence, TSA has long fought using sniffers and puffers for detection of explosive devices. As I understand it the puffers allow even material in the seams of clothes to be searched for trace elements and wonder if any reading this can add to my knowledge or why puffers in particular are not being utilized? At least one person told me that corruption may be behind the choice of screening equipment and failure to use sniffers and puffers. Hey I really don’t know and apparently will be boarding my first commercial flight in long time in early February but certainly curious as to what is what with respect to failure to use existing technology. Also, several persons have commented that puffers should have been used at several stages with respect to the informant who blew up the CIA station in Afghanistand. Apparently some very very talented CIA and Canadian personnel were specifically targeted and the blogs are filled with a lot of speculation on exactly why that group was chosen. In other words not just bad tradecraft but with all the resources available why were puffers not used to detect the explosives? Do we (US) still think we can outthink and outfight and outINTEL the opposition?

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