Homeland Security Watch

News and analysis of critical issues in homeland security

September 28, 2010

Department of Homeland Security Cologne

Filed under: Humor — by Christopher Bellavita on September 28, 2010

From the intrepid marketing experts at The Onion:

If you smell something, say something.

The exotic essence of the Far East is absolutely nowhere to be found in this almost inescapable new Department of Homeland Security fragrance.
Formulated by the personal perfumier to Janet Napoloitano, DHS contains essential oils of capsacin, sandalwood, eagle tears, non-Lebanon cedar, and guns. Notes of vigilance, musk, tonka bean, and black cordura pat down the senses to preserve comforting overtones of vanilla. And a cool, commanding base of conditioned orange infusions evoke the powerful agency’s message that, while all may be serene for now, the future almost certainly holds a seductive hint of menace.

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Comment by Dan O'Connor

September 28, 2010 @ 2:10 pm

The personal perfumier to Janet Napoloitano must be an appointee, because there is no OPM guidlines for this line of business…


September 30, 2010 @ 11:52 pm

“He is out of Afghanistan psychologically,” Still smells like hell and you get tired of shooting at same old targets. Tar feather and get new scent of a woman. Swell-headed boys on thin ice and fire melts her burthday cake icing, bur it’s looking like a long cold winter. Keep her warm and chop more deadwood. Ease the tree son, ease the tree. Liberty smells well and I got a nose for newis. Con sin keeps expanding. Stay Posted.


October 1, 2010 @ 12:20 am

They’re just too tied up to do any good. Don’t even have what medieval boys call disposition-to-do-good. Just wrapped a special gift for a special somebody. All my ideas are obsolete as a paper and punch bowl. Computers choose them and computers change results. Still get a rock in the end. Until then keep rolling and smelling the roses. A box of roses is different than a box and roses. They all passed a BAR exam and sent us the bill. They are even sending the kids the bill now. I wouldn’t pay it kids. Be smellfish.


October 1, 2010 @ 12:44 am

Boss has me working graveyard shift. She wants performance and that’s understandable. You can’t see what there isn’t any of and you are paying for $700 million in promises and change, which is all you got in your pocket. Got smelling salts here old salts. Lavender from Jersey City. Got donuts?

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