“CDC Denies Existence Of Zombies Despite Cannibal Incidents”
Yes, that happened.
It is an actual headline on the Huffington Post website. Prompted by an actual CDC email.
As this website is no stranger in confronting the zombie menace, a little background is probably in order:
First came Miami: the case of a naked man eating most of another man’s face. Then Maryland, a college student telling police he killed a man, then ate his heart and part of his brain.
It was different in New Jersey, where a man stabbed himself 50 times and threw bits of his own intestines at police. They pepper-sprayed him, but he was not easily subdued.
Did we bring ourselves to the brink of a zombie apocalypse?
Zombies represent America’s fears of bioterrorism, a fear that strengthened after the 9/11 attacks, says Patrick Hamilton, an English professor at Misericordia University in Dallas, Pa., who studies how we process comic-book narratives.
Seriously, it may be time to prepare. Read the following now and thank me later:
–An Ace Hardware store in Nebraska features a “Zombie Preparedness Center” that includes bolts and fasteners for broken bones, glue and caulk for peeling skin, and deodorizers to freshen up decaying flesh. “Don’t be scared,” its website says. “Be prepared.”
–On uncrate.com, you can find everything you need to survive the apocalypse — zombie-driven or otherwise — in a single “bug-out bag.” The recommended components range from a Mossberg pump-action shotgun and a Cold Kukri machete to a titanium spork for spearing all the canned goods you’ll end up eating once all the fresh produce has vanished.
The CDC would like you to believe none of this is possible. That this threat doesn’t exist.
“CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms),” wrote agency spokesman David Daigle in an email to The Huffington Post.
Who to believe? A government agency staffed by medical professionals? Or this somewhat anonymous blogger begging you to prepare?
The choice should be easy. Just remember: double-tap.
