Homeland Security Watch

News and analysis of critical issues in homeland security

May 13, 2014

“Buddhist Extremist Cell Vows To Unleash Tranquility On West”

Filed under: Humor — by Christopher Bellavita on May 13, 2014

The headline is from “America’s Finest News Source.”  I missed this story the first time it appeared. But it’s never too late to help make people aware of new threats.

Here are some excerpts from the original story:

buddhist terror threat


WASHINGTON—In a 45-minute video posted on Tibetan websites Thursday, Tsuglag Rinpoche, leader of the Buddhist extremist group Kammatthana, threatened to soon inflict a wave of peace and tranquility on the West.

Speaking in front of a nondescript altar surrounded by candles, burning sticks of incense, and a small golden statue of the Buddha, Rinpoche did not specify when or where an assault of profound inner stillness would occur, but stated in no uncertain terms that the fundamentalist Buddhist cell plans to target all Western suffering.

“In the name of the Great Teacher, we will stop at nothing to unleash a firestorm of empathy, compassion, and true selflessness upon the West,” said Rinpoche, adding that all enemies of a freely flowing, unfettered state of mind will be “besieged with pure, everlasting happiness.” “No city will be spared from spiritual harmony. We will bring about the end to all Western pain and anxiety, to all destructive cravings, to all greed, delusion, and misplaced desire. Indeed, we will bring the entire United States to its knees in deep meditation.”


The extremist leader specifically criticized the United States for its “blatant disregard of karmic balance within the universe” and ominously claimed that Americans will “one day soon” experience the highest form of metaphysical equilibrium through a union of both body and mind. Rinpoche also said all Western nations would “pay a heavy price in negative thinking and self-doubt” if they do not immediately engage in serious introspection and true spiritual liberation.

Sources confirmed the video then featured an uninterrupted 19-minute clip of water quietly flowing between rocks in a small forest creek.

[Here is a brief excerpt of the video]


“I want to assure all Americans that we are fully aware of these threats from Kammatthana, and they will not be taken lightly,” [a high ranking homeland security official] said at a press conference shortly after Rinpoche’s video surfaced, adding that several U.S. cities have been placed on high alert and authorities are watching closely for any suspicious peaceful activity in densely populated areas. “We do believe that Kammatthana currently possesses the means to inflict widespread balance in the collective subconscious of an American city. However, we are doing absolutely everything in our power to prevent that from happening.”

“The danger of total enlightenment is very real,” [the official] added. “And we must be prepared.”


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Comment by John Comiskey

May 13, 2014 @ 7:07 am

Official? [not identified: Buddha?]
Onion [source?]

Oh! Peace be with you too!

Comment by Dan O'Connor

May 13, 2014 @ 8:27 am

Spontaneous group hugs and demonstrations of joy will be dealt with quickly and effectively. Gotta love The Onion.

Comment by Christopher Tingus

May 13, 2014 @ 9:56 am

Our Triple Gem –

“Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness”

the equation in Life which results in tranquillity and insight….

Comment by Rubin, claire

May 13, 2014 @ 12:18 pm

That is one threat I do not mind.


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